• soaniamathur

Today I Cried...

Musings today and everyday



Today I cried...

I cried tears for the pain that wakens me every morning and burdens me throughout the day, an unrelinquishing reminder of the challenges I face.

The shaking that I can barely conquer at times and the slowness that I fight, fruitless at times, a mocking reminder of the efficiency I took pride in a lifetime ago.

I cried tears for the career lost, those goals left unmet, those dreams left behind.

The stress that this disease places on those I love most, a change in circumstances that none of us expected.

The inadequacy I feel at times in fulfilling the roles that are most important – mother, daughter, wife.

I cried tears as I thought about the friends, the pillars of my community, my mentors whose lives have been ravaged by this disease.

Those whose bodies have slowly and unwillingly succumb to the relentless war that this disease wages against us.

Yes. Today I cried.

I cried tears of relief as I saw those same friends rise up in spirit, refusing to lose the battles that they face each and every day.

The exceptional stories of inspiration and strength that they give all of us as they push through their own struggles.

I cried tears of wonder at the new sense of purpose I feel, skills and passion that have surfaced to serve this new focus of my efforts.

The efforts of others, many who have dedicated their lives to optimizing ours, giving us a chance at a future, relieving us of our challenges and vanquishing this disease to the history books.

I cried tears of gratitude for the clarity I now have, for the priorities I now know are most important, for a life now put into perspective.

The relationships I now hold more dearly, for the patience I have gained and the forgiveness that comes so easily when you know how precious and finite life is.

Today I cried.

I cried for this unexpected trajectory my life has taken, tears yes of sadness but also joy.

I mourn for what should have been but through my tears believe in what actually could be.

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Dr. Soania Mathur

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Twitter: @SoaniaMathur

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soaniamathur@unshakeablemd.com

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